The Black Russian Hears Tell of a Dastardly Plot: House of the Beast 5

THE BLACK RUSSIAN keeps his cool and plays friendly, hoping to suss out THE MONKEY KILLER'S diabolical plans.

Quoth THE BLACK RUSSIAN:

"And what be this plan o'yours matey? I be skeptical of anyone who carelessly brushes aside such threats."



THE MONKEY KILLER is all too happy to explain the brilliance of his strategizing.


"'Tis a good question, matey, aye 'tis indeed most pertinent. For The Steve be tall and fearsome, aye, but answer me this: was it he that laid low the grandest Ninjirate fleet ever to sail the sea?!

I'll tell ye the answer: NAY!

What laid us slow – what killed us man and ship – was naught but two things:

MONKEY POOP AND BANJO MUSIC!"


"Well, the boys an' me have seen about the first… Many a monkey has pooped his last poop with my blade in his gullet! We've taught them fear, we have, and terror too. Nary a one will dare raise his buttocks for Pantaloonia again, not after the examples we've made!

"So that leaves the second: ...banjo music."

THE MONKEY KILLER leans forward conspiratorially.



"What if I told ye I had found a way to see about that as well? And not to destroy it, like the monkeys. I be aiming to capture it. To make it work for us."


The wind howling across the ANCIENT BURIAL MOUND rises to deafening heights. For a moment, THE BLACK RUSSIAN swears he can hear a human voice –

"HEAR ME, RUSSIAN!"

But the mysterious message is suddenly interrupted by a terrible roar!

"STEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVE!"

THE STEVE lumbers around the corner, carrying the FROZEN ANCIENT SOLDIER on his shoulder. He does not even seem to see the assembled NINJIRATES – his gaze is fixed southwards. He either does not notice or does not care that his flank is exposed. Behind him, a trio of BLUE BASHERS stumbles to keep up. From even further north comes the stamp of hooves and whinnying of horses – the CRUSADERS are rushing towards THE STEVE.

THE MONKEY KILLER spits and rallies his troops.

"Pay him no mind, boys! Our treasure lies north! Onwards, to the ruined towers! Onwards, TO THE TREASURE!"

 



What will THE BLACK RUSSIAN do?


1. Keep up the act.
Join THE MONKEY KILLER'S northward march.

2. Thanks for the tip, sucker!
Ditch THE MONKEY KILLER and his troops and race northward yourself – maybe you can beat him to the RUINED TOWERS and whatever TREASURE they contain.

3. We can take the beast!
Take advantage of THE STEVE'S inattention and charge for a FLANKING ATTACK!

4. Who the heck was that voice?
You're certain you heard words come from the ANCIENT BURIAL MOUND. What's more, it seems that THE MONKEY KILLER didn't hear them. Run over there and find out who the heck is trying to talk to you!

5. Over my dead body.
Block THE MONKEY KILLER'S path – you'll die before you let the power of BANJO MUSIC fall into the wrong hands!

6. PSYCH!
Charge THE MONKEY KILLER as his troops leave the high ground. Maybe you can reach him before he can do anything to his HOSTAGES.

7. Brace for impact!
The CRUSADERS are going to come down this road at any moment – take up defensive positions and get ready to AMBUSH them.

8. Make up your own crazy plan…
OTHER:_____________________________

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